Anticipation

During the past six weeks I've been preparing.

I've prepared logistically, pulling together supplies, rides, and food lists.

I've prepared physically, increasing my cardio, core, and strength workouts.  I've been hiking.  I've strengthened my knees and traded a few pounds of fat for muscle.

I've prepared mentally, thinking through best and worst case scenarios, reading books, talking to hikers, and thinking about my own goals and reasons for doing the trail.  I've been telling myself it's okay if I need to stop hiking before getting to my goal state.  I've been trying to imagine loneliness and being okay with that.  I have a tendancy to get lonely easily and I know that even when I'm hiking with people, my relationships with folks at home will have to take on a new form.  I'll only be able to contact them when I'm in town, which will be about once a week.  That makes me more nervous than bears or snakes or strangers ever have. 

Maybe I could have done more.  Sometimes I think I won't be ready.  But I don't have any more prep to do, just waiting.  Preparing feels better than waiting.  In three days, I'll be done anticipating, preparing, waiting.  Maybe then it will sink in that I'm doing it.  Or maybe it will take a few weeks in the mountains to realize I'm actually hiking the Appalachian Trail. 

At this point there's nothing left but to do it.